A Dream Come True

When I was a little girl, I loved writing imaginative stories and whimsical (sometimes melancholy) poems. The vibrant, intricate worlds I created in my notebooks were a beautiful escape.  
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I dreamed about being an author. 

In the second grade, I submitted a poem in a poetry competition and won. That was when my dream really took root. I thought to myself, "maybe I could be an author one day." I wanted so badly to hold a book of my own in my hands - my name on the cover, and my words brought to life on the pages. 

Today, that dream is a reality, and I hope that little girl is proud. 

A Very Many Million Things to Be began as a way to heal something inside of myself.

Growing up, I felt like I was always failing. I didn't feel like I was ever good enough. I wanted to be perfect all the time. I tried really hard to be someone I thought other people would like. The reality was, I ended up not knowing who I was. I got lost. 

For a very long time, I wore masks (metaphorically, of course). I thought if I wasn't the person other people wanted me to be then something bad would happen. It's ironic because bad things happened anyway. I didn't understand who I was supposed to be.

I didn't say no to people; I thought that was kindness. Even if I was uncomfortable, I smiled. When I was scared, I put on a brave face. When I didn't know the answer to something, I hated myself for not being smart enough. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn't know how to talk about how I was feeling. I tore myself down. I gave pieces of myself away.

I was so incredibly sad.

It has been a journey to get to where I am now - to be comfortable in my own skin and to love the person I am. There are ups and downs still, but I am so proud of myself. I don't wear masks anymore, and it's so incredibly refreshing.

My hope in writing this book was two-fold. Firstly, I thought it might help me let go of something I've been holding onto for far too long - a gift for the little girl I once was (to let her know we are okay). Secondly, I wanted to create something that would help spark a conversation with my own kids.

I want my children to know they don't have to be perfect. They can set boundaries. They can ask for help. They can talk about their feelings. More than anything, I want them to know they are enough. 

Writing this book has been cathartic, and I hope people enjoy the story. it's been a joy to make this dream a reality.

You can read more about my book here: A Very Many Million Things to Be

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